


Giving up was not in their nature

by ky_stories



Category: TREASURE (Korea Band)
Genre: Angst (a bit), M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-21
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:35:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29489910
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ky_stories/pseuds/ky_stories
Summary: “I don’t know how to do things without you.” Please come back, Jihoon. He added the words in his mind. He knew that speaking them out loud would make no difference. Nothing would make any difference. He could simply wait and hope.
Relationships: JiKyu - Relationship, Kim Junkyu/Park Jihoon, Park Jihoon/Kim Junkyu
Comments: 14
Kudos: 62





	1. Hope

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by one of my old favorite songs so I wrote up this story. I will do my best to lead the way out of the angst... promise!

His feet carried him into the flower shop at the corner, just a few meters away from his destination. The florist looked up at the sound of the door opening and greeted him with a warm smile. “It’s good to see you again, Mr. Kim! What are you looking for today?”

Junkyu returned her smile before his eyes scanned the shop. A small bouquet close to the counter caught his eye. He didn’t know much about flowers, but he knew a lot about scent.

“I’ll take this one.” He took the bouquet carefully from its vase and handed it to the florist.

“A very good choice. Fitting for the upcoming spring season.”

Junkyu waited patiently as she wrapped the bouquet in a layer of paper for easier transportation. Then he paid and left the store with a greeting. He knew he would come back eventually.

“I brought you flowers!” The smile he greeted his dear friend with was a very different one from the one he had shown the florist earlier. There was this one smile he reserved for him alone. Junkyu himself wasn’t very aware of this fact though.

“I hope you like them. You know, unlike I don’t have any idea about flowers, but these smell very nice… and they kind of reminded me of you, you know. A spring field flower kind of vibe? You probably don’t really want to hear that from me of all people, but they remind me of your unruly free spirit.” He grinned as he laid the flowers down on the table. 

“How have you been? I hope you’ve been doing okay. I’m sorry I didn’t come to see you earlier, it’s been a crazy week… I know you must have missed me.” He dropped the teasing tone. “I missed you. We all miss you. Ah, the others told me to send their greetings! Yoshi wanted to come with me but I asked him to see you another time. I… don’t know why, to be honest.” He looked down at his hands, realizing just now that he was holding the other’s hand in his own. His hand felt warm. It calmed him in a way that nothing had calmed him this past week. Junkyu took a deep breath and smiled softly. Yes, the flowers smelled nice. He had made a good choice.

“So… I guess you can expect Yoshi to come bug you sometime soon. He tries not to let us notice it too much, but I think he really suffers without you by his side. You’ve always been a source of strength and stability for him.” Junkyu lifted his eyes to his face, for the first time since he arrived. He tried to keep his face straight and not let his feelings get the better of him.

“I think you know why I want to see you alone. The more I think about it, the more I realize now that you always got me figured out much better than I figured out myself. All this stuff… I don’t think I could talk to you about it with another person in the room. Even if it’s Yoshi.” He took another deep breath. “I wonder… will things ever return to normal? To how it was before…” He bit his lip and softly shook his head. This wasn’t the right way to lead this conversation. “No, I’m sure we’ll sort this out! We always sort things out. We always find a solution, right? So why shouldn’t we find one now. It’s not in our nature to give up. You and I have that in common, I know.” He blinked quickly a few times. “I won’t ever give up on you, Jihoon.” His words were met with a silence he had gotten used to by now. “Never, do you hear me?” He forced a smile to his lips and squeezed Jihoon’s hand a bit tighter. He decided to change the topic to something lighter.

“I kind of like this place, you know?” He looked around to take in the familiar surroundings. “The sunlight falling through the window always reaches this spot. The white color is a bit boring to be honest, but the paintings on the wall over there make for a nice atmosphere.” He grinned. “I bet you noticed too that my flowers make all the difference.” 

Junkyu changed his sitting position a bit to be more comfortable in his chair. “I’m sure you like it, too.” He was quiet for a few minutes, just listening to the sounds in their surroundings. A couple talking somewhere nearby. A little child crying. The beeping sound of a monitor.

“I wish I could stay here with you forever…” He spoke the words very quietly. He wasn’t even sure Jihoon could hear them. “I don’t know how to do things without you.” _Please come back, Jihoon._ He added the words in his mind. He knew that speaking them out loud would make no difference. Nothing would make any difference. He could simply wait and hope.

Junkyu put the flowers in a vase before he left. He had gotten the vase exactly three weeks ago, and it was the fourth bouquet he brought him. He hoped that Jihoon would spare them a look, someday.

The hardest part had always been letting go of Jihoon’s hand before he left. It was silly, he knew, because he would come back soon and get to hold his hand again. But he always felt uneasy when he left his side. As if he might not get to hold those warm hands in his own again. Junkyu shook his head and lightly slapped both of his cheeks with his palms. He needed to get these negative thoughts out of his head. Giving up was not in their nature. He would never give up. Never.

Just as he left, he heard a familiar voice call his name. “Mr. Kim, it’s good to see you again!”

Somehow it was always the same greeting. It made him wonder if it was that unusual for someone to visit this often.

“Doctor Kang, how have you been?”

“I should be asking you this question.” 

Junkyu liked the man, but he didn’t enjoy the probing expression in his eyes as he studied his face. He must be looking tired. Junkyu gave up on his polite smile and let his exhaustion and worry show on his face. He sighed. “Are… are there any signs of…?” He asked every time. And every time he was half hopeful, half scared to hear the answer.

The doctor gave him a sympathetic look, then he shook his head. “No changes.”

Junkyu hung his head. It was always the same answer.

“But please keep in mind that his signs are stable.” The doctor hesitated visibly before he reached out a hand to gently touch Junkyu’s shoulder. “Don’t give up. There is always hope. His situation is in fact, fairly positive.”

Junkyu bit his lower lip almost painfully and nodded shortly. Yes, there was always hope. He had been hanging on desperately to that hope. “I know. I just... “ He hated how heavy his voice sounded and tried desperately to keep his emotions under control. If he started crying now he wouldn’t know how to stop. “I’m so scared, doctor.” It was almost a whisper. “What if… something happens while I’m gone? What if I come back and…” He gulped and blinked quickly a few times. _Don’t cry, don’t cry…_

“I promise we will notify you of the slightest changes.” He had heard these words so many times. Junkyu nodded. 

“Nothing will happen all of a sudden, Mr. Kim. I assure you of that.”

He nodded again. Yes. Yes, he would not lose Jihoon. He would not lose the reassuring if somewhat saddening regular beeping of the monitor indicating his steady heartbeat. How could a heart beat so steadily when its owner had been unconscious for three weeks? It was a mystery to him. Junkyu knew that the more time passed, the more unlikely it was for Jihoon to regain consciousness. They all knew this. Still.... Still. There was hope, as the doctors kept reminding them. They also kept reminding them that it was important for Jihoon to hear familiar voices, and feel familiar touches.

Junkyu kept telling himself that this was the main reason why he spent so much time in the hospital room, perched on the chair next to Jihoon’s bed and holding his hand, talking to him, telling him about his day. He tried to visit every day. It hadn’t been easy with their schedule, especially last week as they got busier again.

The other members visited frequently as well. The first few times it had been all eleven of them together, but they soon noticed that it was too much… for all of them. If only one of them started getting teary eyed, all eleven would end up crying eventually. They started to wonder what influence that would have on Jihoon, unconscious as he may be… he had always been sensible to the mood of the people around him. So they decided to visit in small groups, or alone. Junkyu had been the one to visit most often. He knew that nobody was surprised by that.

“Doctor Kang… isn’t there any way for me to spend a night in Jihoon’s room? I wouldn’t need a bed, or any extra space, just… the chair is enough. It just doesn’t feel right to leave him on his own every night… and the nights are when I have the most time.” He looked up at the doctor with pleading eyes. It wasn’t the first time that he asked. The usual reply was that regulations didn’t allow non-relatives to spend the night in a patient’s room, but Junkyu had always doubted that this was just an excuse the doctor used to decline his request. He knew the doctors were concerned about the health of visitors as well, and someone like him who had a hard time keeping his expression in check when he was emotional was probably a red flag in their eyes.

The doctor sighed. “Mr. Kim, you know our regulations don’t allow-”

“Please.” He had never dared interrupt the doctor before, but he felt particularly desperate today. “Please… I promise I won’t suffer more from staying a full night compared to visiting one hour. It will make no difference.” He kept his pleading eyes glued to the doctor’s hesitating face. “I will sleep when I get home in the morning.”

He could tell that the doctor was doubtful about his last statement. He sighed again, then shook his head with a somewhat amused smile. “I have to commend your tenacity, Mr. Kim. I will see what I can do for you. But tonight is not an option. You may visit again later this week, and come prepared to spend the night.”

Junkyu beamed at him and bowed deeply in gratitude. “Thank you, thank you so much! And if ever I do something to inconvenience you or your colleagues, please let me know.”

The doctor nodded, the amused smile still lingering in the corners of his eyes.

Junkyu couldn’t wait to tell the others. He did experience a moment of worry though when he reached their dorm. What if their managers declined his request? But they had a soft spot especially for him ever since the accident three weeks ago. They cared deeply for them after all, and they all noticed how heavily Jihoon’s absence was weighing on all of them. Especially on Junkyu. So he decided to stay positive. Positivity was his thing, after all. He took a deep breath before he opened the door to his dorm. “I’m home!” he announced while taking off his shoes. It took about two seconds for Hyunsuk to peak out of the kitchen. “Oh, Junkyu-yah! We ordered dinner half an hour ago, we left you something. Should I put it in the microwave for you?”

Junkyu nodded with a grateful smile on his face. “Thanks, hyung! I’m starving.”

Hyunsuk left the door to their kitchen open for him to enter while busying himself with getting his food ready for him. Hyunsuk had been even more of a mother for all of them over the last weeks. Junkyu wasn’t sure if he had even noticed it himself. Sometimes it was almost suffocating, but he came to interpret it as his coping mechanism. Junkyu took off his winter coat and flung it carelessly over one of the chairs at their dining table. It didn’t take long for Yoshi and Haruto to join them in the common room. Yoshi took a seat on the chair opposite of Junkyu and looked at him with an apprehensive expression. “How is Jihoonie?”

Junkyu managed a smile and quietly shook his head. “No news.”

Yoshi nodded. Junkyu knew that they all expected this answer.

The first few times one of them had visited Jihoon, their hopes had been so high. They bombarded the visitor with questions, wanted to know every detail, asked about the slightest of changes. But with the weeks ticking by, they had gotten used to expecting no changes at all. It was disheartening.

“Thanks for checking in on him, hyung.” Haruto looked at him with a sad but grateful smile. “I promise I’ll visit him too this week.”

The members all knew and understood that some of them had a harder time seeing Jihoon in this state. His eyes closed, skin tone paler than usual, and no detectable movement other than the rising and falling of his chest under his steady breathing. Considering how bright and talkative Jihoon’s nature was, the quiet of his room was almost tangible.

“Did the doctors say anything?,” Hyunsuk asked as he placed the warmed up dishes in front of Junkyu and took a seat next to him.

Junkyu shrugged as he took up a spoon and chopsticks. “Just that we shouldn’t lose hope… that his signals are stable.” He dug into his meal at his usual alarming speed that Jihoon often scolded him for. _You know it’s unhealthy to eat that fast._ Junkyu tried to tune out the memory of his voice and focus completely on his meal. He felt Hyunsuk’s hand patting his back sympathetically. “They’re right, you know. There is hope.”

Junkyu nodded almost mechanically. Yes, he knew they were right, of course. Of course there was hope. He hadn’t lost hope. His eyes met Yoshi’s across the table who smiled at him reassuringly as well. Junkyu detected a slight note of guilt in his eyes and wondered if it was because he didn’t visit Jihoon this week. Junkyu knew that he himself had felt guilty about that. He put down his spoon and chopsticks when he had finished his meal in record time and downed a glass of water. Then he took a deep breath.

“So there is something I might need your help with, hyung…”

Hyunsuk raised his eyebrows questioningly. “What is it?”

“I convinced the doctors to let me stay a night… you know. At the hospital, with Jihoon.” He didn’t quite know why he couldn’t look Hyunsuk in the eyes, or anyone at the table for that matter.

It was quiet for a moment, then Hyunsuk patted his shoulder gently. “Okay. I’ll talk to our manager hyungs about it. I’m sure they’ll understand and won’t say no.”


	2. Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm coming to terms with the fact that 2 chapters won't be enough - so I'll be adding a third one! Let's see if I manage to finish it next time.
> 
> Thanks for all your comments!! They really motivate me a lot! ❤︎  
> Hang in there, the angst will get lighter... at some point... probably. I'm trying!!

Junkyu soon reached a point where he wondered who he was spending the night for - for Jihoon’s sake, or for his own sake. Would it even make a difference for Jihoon? He was convinced the other could sense his presence, registered his words somewhere in the back of his sleeping mind. But if all the things he had tried until now didn’t help him regain consciousness, would a whole long night spent by his side really make a difference?

He tried hard to push these thoughts away from him. So what if it made no difference? At least he tried. That was all he could do: Try, and then try again, and again. As long as Jihoon was breathing, he would keep trying. His mouth was set into a determined line while he packed his things. He wasn’t actually sure what he would need, so he just packed his neck pillow, toothbrush and toothpaste, a face towel, and then on a whim went to Jihoon’s room in the dorm one floor below to fetch his favorite Kaikai Kiki flower cushion. Then he reported to his manager who sent him off to the hospital.

He didn’t go unprepared. He had asked all members for their thoughts on what he should try this time. After all, he had 10 hours of time with Jihoon, and he didn’t intend to spend one minute of it asleep. Some ideas were helpful, like Asahi’s suggestion to play one of his recent compositions for Jihoon on his earphones, one of those that Jihoon didn’t know because he had started working on it after the accident. Doyoung’s idea of massaging his shoulders made Junkyu scoff, because everyone had been teasing him about that one time he tried to give Jihoon a shoulder massage and it had completely freaked the other out. He wasn’t that bad really, Jihoon was just overly dramatic. But he was willing to try anything.

Or almost anything. He had to remind Jeongwoo that he couldn’t be too noisy because it was night time after all, and there were plenty of other patients in the hospital. So no, he couldn’t perform an impromptu solo concert for Jihoon who, had he been awake, would have found thousands of ways to tease him about it. Junkyu did take away the idea of singing to him though, which he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t tried yet. Maybe because in general, Junkyu didn’t randomly sing to Jihoon.

He had noted down the others’ ideas on the memo app of his phone, and made sure to take his earphones as well. So yes, Junkyu was prepared. He had a full night of activities - theoretically.

The manager handed him a plastic bag when Junkyu was just about to jump off the van, and Junkyu took it with a curious peer inside. He smiled, a bit embarrassed at the warmth that flooded him. It was just some food for the night, not exactly a big deal, but… “Thanks, hyung.” Junkyu looked up at him. “You didn’t have to... I appreciate it.”

The manager nodded. “Don’t make too much noise, alright?” Then he smiled softly. “Take it slow. And say hi to Jihoonie from me.”

Junkyu nodded and finally got out of the car. He took a deep breath, straightened his shoulders and entered the hospital.

“Jihoon-ah! Guess what, you won’t get a second of rest from me tonight.” Junkyu beamed at his unmoving friend. “So no more boredom. I know you like the quiet from time to time, but it’s really been enough. Time for some entertainment!”

Junkyu had gotten better at filling the silence with chatter. It had been very awkward at first, being the only one speaking in the otherwise silent room, with no kind of response. But he knew that was part of the deal if he wanted to get his friend back. Maybe, just maybe, he would at some point find the right words that woke him up. The more he talked, the more likely it was that he was successful, at some point. Eventually. Junkyu was hardworking by nature.

So he spent the first full hour talking to Jihoon, sharing every detail of the past two days with him, since he had last visited him. He told him how their dance coach had scolded not only him, but also Doyoung which was a rare occurrence. Junkyu knew that Doyoung had been distracted. He was one of the members who had a particularly hard time visiting Jihoon at the hospital, so whenever he did, he would take some time to regain his usual focus afterwards. But that was something Junkyu thought was better left out of his story.

He also told him about Hyunsuk’s intensified mothering of the 10 members, exaggerating just slightly to make his story more interesting. “You know, if you don’t come back soon to balance him out, I can’t promise I won’t take over your room… I need a break. His newest antic is to barge into my room unannounced and ask me to talk about my feelings.” He made a face, as if it was the most disgusting behavior he could fathom. He knew that face would have landed him a scolding slap on the back of his head from Jihoon but would have made him laugh at the same time. A pity that Jihoon couldn’t see it.

“Talking about your room, I brought your Kaikai Kiki thingie with me.” He took the cushion out of his large bag and reached out to gently lift Jihoon’s head, to place the cushion underneath it. The feeling of the soft, uncharacteristically long strands of his hair under his touch made him realize how long it had been since he had touched anything other than Jihoon’s hand. Junkyu hesitated, then told himself not to be silly and let his fingers run through Jihoon’s hair. He smiled at the familiar image when the strands fell right back into his eyes and reached out again to move his bangs out of his face.

“Didn’t you say that you’d like to grow your hair someday? Well, you’re halfway there now. Your hair grows at crazy speeds.” Junkyu scoffed. “No need to wait it out until your hair really is long, though.” He let his gaze linger on Jihoon’s face for a while. Junkyu couldn’t count how many hours he had spent looking at him, trying to figure out the expression on his face. Was it peaceful? He couldn’t say. 

“Actually without your habit of licking your lips, your dry lip problem really has disappeared.” Junkyu couldn’t stop himself from saying the next words. “Told you so.” He reached for the side table and took one of the ready-to-use lip balms from it to apply some to Jihoon’s lips. He had gotten used to doing these things as well. Sometimes he wondered how Jihoon would react if he was conscious. He always imagined that he would just lean in and let himself be babied. Oddly, there were so many things he regretted not trying before.

Two hours passed. Junkyu ate two of the cereal bars his manager had given him.

Four hours. Junkyu took a break to brush his teeth and wash his face.

Five hours. Junkyu took out his earphones and checked the volume before putting the left one into Jihoon’s ear. He hesitated a moment.

“This song… it’s not finished but I wanted you to be the first person to listen to it. And maybe the only one. I wrote this one after the accident, on the day I thought that I…” He took a deep breath. “The day I thought that I lost you forever. I’ve never been that scared in my whole life.”

It had been early morning, and they were on the way to film a performance video for SLOWMOTION. They had been in a bit of a rush because the traffic was heavier than expected at his hour of the day. 

Junkyu didn’t quite realize what happened in the very moment the other car hit their van, but later the sanitators explained to him and his equally stunned members that their van had been hit from the side with such force that it toppled over. Twice. The other car had hit the front passenger side. Jihoon always took the front seat. There had been so much blood.

Later, the doctor explained that it was a miracle he had barely been hit by the impact. His head however had hit the disfigured frame of the passenger door, hard. Twice. Head wounds tended to bleed a lot. The diagnosis was coma due to brain trauma - at least that was the simplified wording. They were in no state to process any medical terms that day.

The other members in the car - Junkyu, Asahi, and Jeongwoo - and their driver were unharmed. This too came close to a miracle, as the doctor and also the police who examined the scene of the accident explained.

Jeongwoo suffered the worst shock. Junkyu could barely make sense of his words as sobs shook the boy’s body, but he remembered how he and Jihoon had quabbled for the front seat that same morning and thus made sense of Jeongwoo’s state. He wanted to comfort him, he really did, but he couldn’t speak a word. His ears were buzzing and his mouth dry. He could barely form a thought.

They were asked to leave the hospital after a short while. There was nothing they could do at the moment. The doctors needed to conduct a series of examinations, so their managers brought them back to their dorms. Hyunsuk and Yoshi stayed in the living room, talking in low voices. Haruto and Junkyu went to their separate rooms. Junkyu did what he usually did when it was too much for him: He occupied himself with music.

So this song was the result of a rhythm and melody he put together that very day. He had made it a habit to work on the piece every time he came home after visiting Jihoon. It helped him keep his mind together. He had come up with words to fit the mood and for some reason he didn’t quite understand, it had turned out to be a love song. Maybe that was just because most songs evolved around the topic of love.

Junkyu didn’t expect to get any reaction out of Jihoon as he played the song. He just watched over his motionless face as he himself got lost in the melody. He liked how it had turned out. His sunbaes’ words had been true after all, that the best songs were the ones written about one’s own raw, genuine feelings. When Jihoon returned to them, maybe he would find it in his heart to finish the song and put it in line to be reviewed as a future release.

He carefully took his earphone from Jihoon after the song had ended. “Should I dedicate the song to you? You know, if it is ever released. I know you would say no, but secretly you would like the idea, wouldn’t you? Teumes would love it.” He chuckled. “You know… they miss you so much. It’s so hard to cheer them up. We’re all trying really hard but you have always been the most active in communicating with them through our twitter account. We get so many questions everyday asking about you, if you’re any better, if you can leave the hospital soon.” No details about Jihoon’s state had been released. Nothing about his state of unconsciousness. Just that he was recovering from the accident. It had been all over the news. Thankfully the hospital security was thorough and made sure no reporters entered the building unauthorized. They were experienced in handling celebrity patients.

Junkyu stifled a yawn. He was just half time in and already felt so tired. He hadn’t considered how exhausting it was to talk constantly for hours. His head felt so heavy. He shot a furtive glance at Jihoon’s bed. It was a fairly large bed. Perks of having a single room, perhaps. He recalled the nurses telling him the ground rules, that he could touch and move Jihoon as long as he made sure the tubes weren’t pulled at. They had even mentioned to him that it was okay to lie next to him on his bed. Junkyu had been confused by that suggestion, but had shrugged it off as an example for the limits of what he could and couldn’t do. 

He glanced thoughtfully at Jihoon. If he was awake, he surely wouldn’t mind. Jihoon was the clingy one of the two of them. If ever Junkyu slept in the same bed as him, which rarely happened unless it was related to some content they were filming and they happened to be paired up, Jihoon would cling to him like a pest. It was the first time Junkyu fully realized how odd it was for the other to rest in his current form, lying straight on his back with his arms resting at his sides. Jihoon basically couldn’t fall asleep without hugging something close to his chest.

Junkyu’s eyes started to get droopy. Screw it. He pulled off his favorite hot pink merchandise hoodie and tossed it on the backrest of his chair, aligned the hospital slippers neatly with the side of the bed and slowly, carefully sat down on the bed next to Jihoon. It was silly because it wasn’t as though he would wake him with his movements - or rather, if he could, he should be making a real ruckus. He shook his head at himself and came to lie down on his side, facing Jihoon. He studied his best friend’s side profile for a while. Jihoon had the prettiest nose he had ever seen on a boy. His eyes wandered to the heart shaped mole beneath his eye and as he did so often in moments like this, he reached out and gently touched it with the tip of his finger. He smiled. He couldn’t remember the last time he had done this. 

The truth was that he had felt oddly self conscious over the past months when it came to being physically close with Jihoon. 

The truth was that he had started to feel oddly nervous whenever Jihoon gave him his undivided attention. 

He had started to notice that he got his attention a lot, more than he remembered. He had started noticing too, that when Junkyu didn’t give his attention to Jihoon for a while, the other started to tease him to a point where he almost had no other choice but to react - at which moment the teasing would stop immediately and Jihoon would simply smile at him. His smile made all his frustration about being teased disappear like a puff of smoke in the wind. It didn’t seem fair to Junkyu.

How he missed that smile. And how he missed his attention. The times Jihoon would observe him quietly when he thought Junkyu didn’t notice, though he did. Junkyu always noticed, he just pretended that he didn’t. He didn’t quite know why. 

Junkyu edged closer to Jihoon’s warmth, unconsciously searching for his hand that was resting next to his body. He hadn’t quite realized how close he had moved to Jihoon until his nose touched his cheek. His eyes were closed and he tried to keep his breathing slow and steady. Jihoon still smelled the same. He didn’t know why he expected him to smell more of hospital and less of Jihoon. His lips stretched into a small, sad smile. “I miss you, Jihoon-ah.” He had said these words so often. Possibly every time he had visited him. “It drives me crazy how much I miss you.”

When Junkyu opened his eyes again, he wasn’t sure how much time had passed. He didn’t even realize at first where they were. He snuggled a bit closer to Jihoon and took a deep breath to take in his scent. He smiled. The arm around his shoulders made him feel safe. Junkyu let out a content sigh. Then he froze.

Arm around his shoulders.

He blinked. It was still very quiet around them, which told him that it must be in the middle of the night. His heart was racing.

Jihoon’s arm, around his shoulders. Junkyu definitely hadn’t put his arm there. And they were still alone in the room. Which must mean…

_ Jihoon had moved. _


	3. Unaware

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yess I managed to wrap it up in 3 chapters!! So here it goes~

Junkyu’s breath hitched. What should he do? He didn’t dare to move. Which he realized was silly. 

_ Jihoon had moved. _

Junkyu tried to calm himself. He didn’t know what this meant. It could just be an unconscious reflex. Nothing with any deeper meaning to it.

But he had never moved even once, ever since the accident.

He should call for the nurse. His heart was beating painfully heavy in his chest. The button was just next to Jihoon at the edge of his bed. Junkyu stretched out his arm and pressed the button without paying a thought to how odd their current position must seem to an outsider. So what? It was the nurses who had pointed out lying next to Jihoon in his bed wasn’t any issue.

The door opened just a few seconds later and Junkyu heard a concerned voice coming from the door behind him. “You called?”

Junkyu still didn’t dare to move. “Ms. Lee? I- Jihoon- his arm! He moved his arm!”

The nurse took a moment which Junkyu hoped meant that she sent a notification to a doctor, and then moved around the bed, hunching down on its side to make it easier for Junkyu to speak to her.

“Could you tell me what happened?” Her voice was calm and friendly.

“I just… actually I don’t really know how it happened. I must have fallen asleep…” Junkyu felt his cheeks heat up at his words. He had sworn to himself not to waste a single second of his precious 10 hours with Jihoon, yet he had fallen asleep like a fool. 

“At what time do you think you fell asleep?”

Junkyu tried to recall. “It must have been at 2:10 or so… The last time I checked my phone it was 2:02.” He started wondering if the nurse was only asking him these questions to help him stay calm.

“Then it must have happened in the last 30 minutes. It’s just 2:41 in the morning now.”

“Ms. Lee, what should I do? Should I move or…”

“If it’s okay for you, please try to stay in your current position for a few moments more until Doctor Sung- ah, Doctor Sung!” She stood up to greet the doctor who must just have entered the room. Junkyu still couldn’t believe how quietly the hospital personnel managed to open and close doors.

Junkyu stayed in his position while the nurse briefed the doctor on why she had called him. He realized that he must have moved during his sleep, which was unusual for him. Junkyu tended to sleep like a stone. His head was now resting low on Jihoon’s shoulder and his arm was half wrapped around his waist. He noticed just now that he was still holding Jihoon’s hand. The feeling of Jihoon’s other arm around his shoulders felt so reassuring. He wanted to lift his head to look at Jihoon’s face but he didn’t dare to move unless he was told to.

“Mr. Kim.” The doctor had taken the position the nurse had occupied earlier, without hunching down though. Junkyu blinked up at him, not sure if he should say something. It was an awkward position to be in, but he didn’t care too much at that moment. His head was filled with Jihoon alone.

The doctor was smiling, and despite his inner turmoil Junkyu could tell that it wasn’t the calming smile, the ‘there’s always hope’ kind of smile, no. It was a genuine smile. The doctor was pleased.

“It seems you have managed to get a reaction out of Mr. Park. This is a good sign. A very, very good sign. Now.” The doctor pulled a chair closer and sat down next to the bed. “I would like to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind.” He smiled again. “You may move if you feel uncomfortable answering in your current position.”

Junkyu blinked again, not sure that he actually wanted to move. But he honestly didn’t want to hold a conversation with the doctor while he was hugging his sleeping friend. So hesitant as he was, he slowly lifted his head from Jihoon’s shoulder and let go of his hand to push himself into a more upright position.

Or rather, that is what he tried to do. Because suddenly the grip of Jihoon’s arm around his shoulders tightened and he pulled him closer, and Junkyu would have sworn that he heard a soft whine coming from him, much more air than sound. Junkyu stared at him, eyes wide. Jihoon was actually frowning! He looked almost… sulky, for lack of a better word. “Jihoon-ah?” No response. “What is happening, doctor?!”

The doctor seemed almost as surprised as him. “It appears Mr. Park is refusing to let you go, for the moment. Fascinating. Mr. Kim, do you happen to know Mr. Park’s sleeping habits?”

Junkyu heard the doctor’s voice but his words didn’t register. Should he give in to Jihoon’s attempts to pull him closer? It felt wrong not to, so he edged closer and sort of awkwardly wrapped his arm around Jihoon’s shoulder, his mind going blank when Jihoon rolled onto his side to hug him tight. His heart was about to jump out of his chest at this point. “He... is he still unconscious?”

“Yes.” The doctor must have seen Junkyu’s devastated expression upon hearing this response, because he continued to explain more in detail. “Patients who have been in a comatose state for as long as Mr. Park has been, will go through different stages of consciousness before they fully awake. What we observe here are subconscious movements. However, they are not to be mistaken with primal reflexes. I believe Mr. Park is responding to a familiar situation.” He gave Junkyu a moment to process. “May I ask you about Mr. Park’s sleeping habits?”

“Oh! Oh. Right.” Junkyu couldn’t help but think that it couldn’t have been a mere coincidence that he had thought of exactly this topic just earlier that day. “Jihoon never sleeps lying on his back, he always sleeps on his side. And he always hugs something. He can’t really fall asleep if he doesn’t.” He hesitated a bit to share more of his best friend’s personal information, but then reminded himself that he could trust the hospital personnel. They kept information completely confidential. And he had seen over the past weeks that they cared about Jihoon. “Also… he sleeps better when he doesn’t sleep alone. I mean, he prefers not to. He has been having trouble falling asleep, I think it calms him when he feels someone next to him.”

The doctor nodded thoughtfully. “And would you say that physical gestures might be more meaningful to him than words?”

Junkyu frowned and thought for a moment. He had never really considered this question. Jihoon was very outspoken, but then again he did get very touchy from time to time. He tried to remember situations where Jihoon needed comfort and realized that speaking about things had been a part of it, but he had always responded more to a hug or a gentle stroking of his head. He nodded slowly. “Yes, I guess you could say that.”

The doctor nodded and thanked him for answering his questions, then stood up to analyse the data they had registered over the past few hours. The nurse reminded Junkyu that he could move if he wanted to, but Junkyu decided to stay right where he was. The hell he was going to leave Jihoon alone right now. While he was gently stroking Jihoon’s back, he got lost in his thoughts. He thought back on his past visits, one by one, realizing that he had never done more than take Jihoon’s hand and talk to him. It had felt wrong to do anything else, after all his friend wasn’t able to respond and make his own decisions… he was so vulnerable in his state of unconsciousness that Junkyu didn’t dare invade his personal space. And from what he knew, none of the other members had done so either. 

Now he couldn’t help but wonder if he could have helped Jihoon better if he had invaded his personal space. He tried to convince himself that he hadn’t done anything wrong, that it wasn’t his fault. But a little voice in the back of his mind told him that he should have known his best friend well enough to take the right actions that would help him find his way back to consciousness. All he had done the last three weeks was waste time. Jihoon’s time.

The doctor’s voice brought him back to the present moment. “Mr. Kim, we would like to conduct a few more examinations. May I ask you to come with me for a moment?”

Junkyu’s heart was heavy as he reached for Jihoon’s arm that was wrapped securely around his waist and carefully rolled him back onto his back. As always, Jihoon was stubborn and it wasn’t easy making him stay in his position. Junkyu’s heart ached. He murmured a “see you soon Jihoon-ah, promise” before he got up from the bed and collected his belongings. He pulled on his hoodie to not be cold in the hall with just a simple T-shirt, and with another regretful glance at his friend he followed the doctor out of the room.

Despite the late hour he called the manager who had sent him off to the hospital and it didn’t take long until he took up the call. Apparently he hadn’t been sleeping yet. He arrived not much later at the hospital and the doctor explained the situation to him, with a few more details that Junkyu was eager to hear himself. He knew that he was lucky the doctor didn’t ask him to wait outside, after all he was just a friend, neither a relative nor someone in charge of taking care of Jihoon in the absence of his parents.

When they left the hospital, his heart felt lighter than when he had left Jihoon’s room. The doctor had asked if there was any possibility of Junkyu visiting again tomorrow (or rather, on the same day, just in the afternoon). He thought his presence may help to speed up Jihoon’s recovery.

The manager had not given a firm agreement, as things needed to be confirmed with the other managers, and higher executives in YG should be informed as well. More than anything, Jihoon’s family needed to be updated, which the doctor took upon him.

They didn’t speak in the car on their way back to the dorm. Junkyu felt dead exhausted and could barely keep his eyes open. The only thing that kept him from nodding off was the overload of new information swirling through his mind. 

He realized that they had arrived at their destination when the engine stopped. He opened his eyes and blinked questioningly at the manager who didn’t make any attempts to get out of the car.

“Junkyu-yah. You did well. You should go straight to sleep when we go up, okay? You look so tired.” 

Junkyu heaved a deep breath and nodded quietly, not finding the energy to search for words to reply.

“I will tell the others in case they’re still up. If not, I will make sure they’ll hear about it first thing in the morning. No need to get up early, you can sleep as long as you need. I’ll make sure the kids don’t bug you before you get up.”

Junkyu nodded again. “Thank you, hyung.”

The manager smiled and patted his knee. “Come on, let’s go up.”

Junkyu visited the hospital daily since then. On the first day, the other members joined him in pairs of two or three. Jihoon’s parents and siblings visited as well. There was a somewhat awkward moment where Jihoon’s mother hugged him and thanked him for all he did for Jihoon. He wasn’t sure that he deserved that much gratitude, but it made him feel a bit lighter. 

Jihoon regained consciousness four days later.

Junkyu didn’t witness the moment he woke up. It was late afternoon on a Thursday, and Junkyu had nodded off with his head on Jihoon’s shoulder, his hand resting on his chest close to his heart. He woke up to the feeling of someone gently stroking his hair. At first he didn’t realize what that meant, but then he felt the chest on which his hand was resting move under a weak chuckle and heard a hoarse whisper. “So clingy.”

Junkyu almost jumped. Eyes wide open he lifted his head and stared at Jihoon as if he had seen a ghost. Jihoon lifted his brows questioningly in response. A second later Junkyu leaned over him, his forehead pressed against that of Jihoon and his hands cupping his cheeks, gently, as if he was made out of glass. “You’re awake,” he whispered. “You’re awake.”

Jihoon patted his back somewhat awkwardly.

The moment Junkyu reached for the button to call the nurse, the door opened and doctor Kang entered, followed by two nurses. Apparently the monitors had signaled them that Jihoon had regained consciousness.

The next thirty minutes passed by in a haze. While the doctor calmly explained to Jihoon that he had been in a coma for almost four weeks, Junkyu barely had the presence of mind to send a message to their group chat that “Jihoon woke up.” Only five minutes later, Hyunsuk and Haruto joined him with one of their managers. They had just been on their way to pay a visit. Together they waited in one of the more private waiting areas, the nurses asking them to please be patient as too many visitors at once and in a too short time might overwhelm the patient. Hyunsuk roamed through the room restlessly, while Junkyu and Haruto took seats opposite of each other and looked up at each other every once in a while, nervous yet excited smiles on their faces.

It didn’t take long for the others to arrive, and Jihoon’s family as well.

His family was given priority to visit Jihoon, which was only sensible. Then the members entered his room in groups of three. Jihoon didn’t seem overwhelmed by their presence at all. He did however struggle to accept the fact that he had been unconscious ever since the accident, of which he told them he didn’t remember much. The members agreed that it was for the better.

It was Junkyu whom Jihoon opened up to about the accident.

It turned out that he did remember it quite vividly. The impact of the other car, the feeling of the door frame being smashed against his head even while the van was toppling over. The sharp pain spreading from his temple all throughout his body, stronger than any pain he had ever experienced before. He even remembered the moment everything had turned black.

Junkyu held his hand while he listened to him. His heart hurt so much for Jihoon that he almost felt sick. He understood that no words were needed from him, and he couldn’t think of any words that would have been appropriate either.

A few days later, Junkyu told him his side of the story. The day of the accident. How none of them had been hurt except for Jihoon. He didn’t mention the blood and how he freaked out at the sight, so much that the sanitators gave him a mild sedative. How they had decided not to visit him in large groups because they ended up crying every time. That made Jihoon grin in spite of himself, to which Junkyu retaliated by pushing him gently. He turned serious again. “I was so scared, Jihoon-ah.” He searched for his eyes. “I thought you might never come back to us.” Jihoon’s eyes softened.

Jihoon also remembered other things. He said he recalled them more as dreams rather than things that really happened. His hand being held, then being let go off again, just to be held again later. Muffled voices speaking about him, speaking to him. Warmth, as if he was being held by someone. Familiar scents. The scent of flowers. A melody.

Junkyu stared at him in disbelief when he hummed a part of the melody he remembered hearing. “I played that song only once…”

“Can I hear it again?”

Junkyu felt oddly self-conscious when he played his song again for Jihoon, this time knowing the other took in all of it, sound and words. Jihoon knew him well enough to understand what the song was about, despite the metaphorical love story. Junkyu could feel his eyes on him, but he busied himself with examining his Kaikai Kiki cushion, trying hard to avoid his gaze.

“So,” said Jihoon while taking off the earphones after the song had finished playing. “Am I still the only one who has listened to this song?”

Junkyu blinked and looked up at him, the knowing expression in his eyes baffling him even more. He nodded. Jihoon’s smile was a bit too triumphant, but Junkyu found himself not really minding. He had spent too many weeks missing this smile. Jihoon reached out to ruffle his hair. “I love it. You’re a genius.”

Jihoon had to spend a few more days at the hospital to initiate his rehabilitation. His eyes were sensitive to light at first, and he felt himself exhausted after the simplest of tasks. But he recovered quickly and was discharged sooner than the doctors had initially signalized - with the promise of their personal trainer to make him stick to his prescribed diet and exercise plan. He was also prescribed plenty of sun and fresh air.

Jihoon returned to his usual routine of updating their twitter account more frequently than anyone else. He kept Teumes updated with his recovery process, without sharing too many details of course. 

About a month later, everything had returned to how it had been before the accident. They ended up not filming a live video for SLOWMOTION in the end, the agency deciding that they had missed the right timing. But they had plenty of other activities to come up.

There were a few things that did not quite go back to normal though.

One of them being Junkyu spending more time in Jihoon’s room. Jihoon didn’t verbally ask him to, but Junkyu had noticed the first few days after he had regained consciousness that his best friend started to get restless when the night drew closer. After a few days he confessed that he was scared. Scared that he would fall asleep and not wake up again the next morning.

So Junkyu stayed with him until he fell asleep. While Jihoon was still in the hospital, he wasn’t allowed to spend the nights with him. But once he moved back into the dorm, Junkyu didn’t bother to go back to his own room after Jihoon had fallen asleep, especially considering that he had to go up one floor to his own dorm. So Junkyu who had never enjoyed sharing his bed with someone got used to being hugged to sleep, and waking up in Jihoon’s arms. On the days where they could sleep in, Jihoon rarely woke him up, he always just laid quietly until Junkyu woke up on his own. Sometimes Junkyu wondered why he’d even bother. He knew his best friend wasn’t the most patient person. When he asked him about it, Jihoon just shrugged and gave an evasive answer. “So much for me being clingy.” The comment landed him a hit on the head with Jihoon’s Romy plushy.

A month after they had gone back to their usual routine as a group, Junkyu started wondering in earnest why his heart was still behaving oddly when he woke up in Jihoon’s arms. He thought after a whole month of sleeping in Jihoon’s arms, he should have gotten used to it.

So he started paying more attention to his reactions to Jihoon. He started noticing the repeated joy whenever Junkyu was the first Jihoon would turn to for advice, or comfort, or anything at all. He also noticed the small pang of jealousy whenever he did not turn to him. He noticed the odd satisfaction when he felt Jihoon’s eyes on him whenever the other thought he was unwatched. 

Then he started to experiment. He would return Jihoon’s gaze and enjoy his flustered face. Jihoon was too proud to pretend he hadn’t been looking at Junkyu, but also too genuine to pretend it had been for a particular reason. So sometimes they would just end up locked in a weird staring contest until one of them either started to talk or avert his gaze.

When that didn’t get him anywhere, Junkyu started to tease Jihoon more. He would walk up behind him unnoticed and blow on his neck, or into his ear, causing Jihoon to shiver visibly each time. Jihoon tried to retaliate by doing the same, but somehow Junkyu always felt him approach so he turned his head before Jihoon could land his attack. So Jihoon started taking advantage of Junkyu’s ticklishness and made him suffer by tickling him breathless. He would usually end up in his arms, barely able to stand upright, and gasping for air. In those moments, Jihoon’s arms were wrapped around his waist from the back, his cheek resting against his ear, and he whispered a low “sorry” to him, though Junkyu doubted that he really meant it.

“Junkyu-yah.” Yoshi greeted him with an usually serious expression when he entered the kitchen of their dorm. Junkyu emerged from behind the door of the fridge with a bottle of cider and raised his brows. “Something the matter?”

Yoshi took a seat at the kitchen table and Junkyu hesitated just a moment before he closed the fridge and took two glasses to join Yoshi at the table. He poured both of them from the bottle and pushed one of the glasses to Yoshi.

“Thanks.” Yoshi smiled and took a sip, then looked at him with that serious expression again. It made Junkyu oddly nervous. “What is it?”

“I’m just wondering…” Yoshi seemed to make up his mind. “Why are you and Jihoon flirting?”

Junkyu almost dropped his glass. He blinked at Yoshi, confused. “What do you mean?”

Yoshi laughed. “You didn’t notice?”

Junkyu was still blinking at him. What they did looked like flirting to Yoshi? “Yoshi. We… we’re not flirting.” He felt his cheeks turn red at his own words and told himself to pull it together. Yoshi watched him with knowing eyes. 

“You know… I don’t mind. I just wonder…” He shrugged and took another sip. “I mean. I was wondering if you were really aware of it. Because you two do it so… naturally.” He waited a moment to see if Junkyu would argue, but he was still too baffled to reply. “I guess you weren’t aware of it after all.”

_ Flirting. _ Junkyu frowned as he lay awake that night, Jihoon’s head resting on his shoulder. The other had fallen asleep an hour ago, if not longer. Junkyu’s mind was buzzing with Yoshi’s words and thoughts of self-reflection.  _ Flirting. _ He looked back on the past month, ever since he had made up his mind to try and find out why he felt so odd in certain moments, when it came to his best friend. He had to admit, to an outsider, what they had been doing must look oddly similar to flirting. But hadn’t they always teased each other? Of course, their teasing used to be limited to words, but… was it really that different?

Junkyu shivered slightly. In conclusion, didn’t that mean that their verbal teasing had been close to flirting as well? He blinked into the darkness of Jihoon’s room.  _ Flirting, huh… _

The next morning, Junkyu was awake when Jihoon woke up. For the first time ever since they had started this new habit of sharing his bed. He groaned in that husky voice Junkyu knew from him when he just woke up, and stretched a bit only to snuggle closer to Junkyu again and let his hand wander from his waist down to his hip. The movement caused Junkyu heavy goosebumps. He lifted his head slightly to get a look at Jihoon’s face that was grazed with a peaceful smile, eyes still closed, and he felt something pull almost painfully at his heart. He pushed Jihoon gently onto his back and without a second thought placed a light kiss on his cheek before he cuddled up against him.

Jihoon lay quietly for a moment, then wrapped his arms around his waist to pull him closer and bury his face in his hair. Junkyu felt him inhale deeply, and his arms tightened a bit more around him when he breathed out with a content sigh. “My Kyu.”

Junkyu giggled, a wave of happiness flooding through him. “Your Kyu,” he mumbled against Jihoon’s neck. Then he went still again. Junkyu bit his lip, hesitant. He tried not to sound too nervous when he voiced his question.

“Are you mine, too?” 

Jihoon turned his head to look him in the eyes, their faces so close that their noses were almost touching.

“What do you think?”

Junkyu blinked, flustered, then lowered his eyes. “Why do you think I’m asking, idiot?”

He looked up again when he felt Jihoon’s fingers gently stroke his cheek. His heart was pounding too fast.

“Yes.” Jihoon lifted his head to give a quick peck to the tip of Junkyu’s nose, then he leaned his forehead against that of Junkyu. “I am yours."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope the end made up for all the angst I put you through! Thank you for sticking out til the end :)


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